pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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