Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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