I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
