so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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