no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
