my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
