Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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