Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
