how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
