she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
