my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
