Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
