you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize