apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize