So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
