I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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