Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
