Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I love you. Go after that dick
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
