There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
