oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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