wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
