carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
