The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize