Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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