That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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