Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
