My liver just broke up with me...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
