Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
