TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
