And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
