I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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