Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
