She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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