I seem to have left my pride at pride
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
