you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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