My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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