I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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