The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
