My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
