Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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