i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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