hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
