dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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