people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
