Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
