As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
