im six kinds of drunk right now
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
