i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
