I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
