I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
