you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
