Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
