ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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