Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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