At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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