Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
