And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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