you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
