K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
