I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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