Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
