Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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