hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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