So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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