I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
