I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
