I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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