Are we in a gay sports bar?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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