My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Randomize
