One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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