Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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