Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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