I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
