WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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