I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
