good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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