she looked like the bat from fern gully.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
