I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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