Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
