We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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