I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
no you cant smoke seaweed
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
