If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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