Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
