She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
