Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
