i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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