the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Green mimosas i think yes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
