i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
