Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
