no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
