PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
