should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
