At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
