Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
