To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
