ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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