Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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