Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
