eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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