Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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