You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I looked at my own cervix.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize