Your face is a jimmy john
She is in my trunk
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
