Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
