My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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