Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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