I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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