She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize