Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
