so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Small penises have feelings too.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
