belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
