I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
