the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
