i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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